Rollercoaster
You know what? It's bloomin' hard trying to find the energy and the time to get this blog updated more frequently lol.
So where were we? Ah yes, a few weeks before Marks birthday. So lets see, what has happened since then...
Well first and foremost, Gran & Grandad came to see Maia & Lily! (and me and Mark ofcourse ;) )
As you can imagine, it was rather an emotional reunion. Mark and Maia went off in the shiny new car, which was cleaned within an inch of its life lol, to pick Gran & Grandad up. Leaving me and Lilypops at home, her snoozing outside and me pacing around, fluffing cushions, making sure Maia's bedroom was all in perfection with the guest beds made up, bathroom gleaming, and even boiling the kettle to pre heat the water so that it would be quicker to get the cups of tea done.
Maybe it was a touch OCD, a dash nervous energy, and lots of anticipation- but EVERYTHING HAD TO BE JUST SO ;) Team Wilson Jr needed to make a good first impression on Team Wilson Sr !
See, sometimes this housewifey thing does become me ;)
I'd be lying if I said I hadn't worried about how Maia would take to Gran & Grandad, after all, 15 months had passed since we last saw eachother. But thanks be to the wonderful Skype (small lie- sometimes it sucks with its rubbish connections) I think Maia just found it strange seeing them in person and not jsut on a screen, and I didnt notice her acting much different around them by the time they got back home
" Hmmm...how the heck did they get from the computer screen to my car?! "
For Mark's birthday we took a trip up to Ekorrsele, where he does his river rafting, and had a lush meal consisting of moose and root vegetable bake. We had hoped to do a bit of a guided tour, going along Vindelälven to the various rapids my dear husband likes to throw himself into, but ofcourse, the weather had other ideas and it was pretty grim with lots of rain. Miserable weather didnt make for a miserable birthday thankfully, and we all scoffed and enojyed every second of the meal; Maia, ever the adventurer, devoured that moose like it was a scrummy cupcake. That child plain and simply, loves her food.
Well back in Holmsund, there was birthday cake and whiskeys all around (well almost) and plenty of jibes about reaching old age! Poor Mark, dont think he got too much of a complex about it hahaha 
Lily's christening was going to be the highlight in the week for me, a chance invite all the great friends we have made to share ( cliched as it sounds) and celebrate our new darling daughter. And yes, it was a lovely day, but to be perfectly frank it was also very difficult.
See, you get prepped for the issues and struggles with having two kids to a certain degree, but I dont think you fully appreciate how hard it really is until you are there, crying with frustration and anger. Frustration, because I know this! I have been here! Anger; why aren't you like your sister? why isn't this working for you but it did with her?
Things that seem rational and obvious just dont seem the enter the train of thoughts. Because she is her own person perhaps? Oh yea, thats true. D'oh. How on earth did that not even occur to me? I dont know. I know it now, I remember that now, I feel that now.
That last part, ''feeling'' that she is her own person, has been the most knee-jerking thing ever. For that was a long time coming for me,that realisation.
It sounds ridiculous doesnt it? How on earth does a mother not realise that each of her babies are different people? Heck, it goes beyond common sense to know that! Really, being a mother doesnt even come into it, its basic human instinct surely lol?
" I'm a cheeky little monkey me! "
I will bet, that if you are a parent, you will have at some point have felt guilty. Heck, I'd even go as far as to say that you dont know the true extent of the word until you have a sprog or two. For nothing, can be compared to the anguish when you realise that you have in some way failed your child. It's horrendous, jump off a cliff kinda bad, gut wrencher of feeling. And our oldest isnt even 2 yet...oh what joys we have to come ;)
Now that, as mentioned above, that thing called guilt, is why Lily's christening for me, wasn't the best it could have been. I mentioned in a previous entry that we've been having some fun and games with Lily and feeding, and it was the culmination of all the stress and frustration surrounding that, which made me a rather miserable cow.
Some of you will understand this, and others wont. This part of the blog is rather mum orientated, I do apologise.
The plain truth of it, breastfeeding Lily was making us both miserable. The poor mite wasn't getting enough. We were both frustrated. I read up on the net about different teas to help things along, taking supplements, getting prescriptions from the health visitors, doing feeds from both boobs, alternating boob/feeds; you name it i tried it.
Ok, maybe thats an exaggeration because I literally cant have tried it all, but I did my best, it still wasn't happening, and this made me a rubbish mum. Imagine that, failing your child in the most basic of things - especially when we girls come pre-equipped for the job lol.
Trick me once, shame on you, trick me twice shame on me. Deja vu or what. I hadnt expected to feel as bad as I did, leading up to the decision about sticking Lily onto bottles. After all, had been through the whole process with Maia, so this time I was prepared for the fact that things dont always go smoothly. Obviously not! So how can I grieve something I never experienced? I'll be buggered if I know the answer to that one.
“There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one”
Aaand breahte! Self-discussion over, thanks for making it this far guys ;)
This entry turned into more on a confessional I guess, a bit if free therapy if you will lol. The main thing is that all the Wilson's are happy, from the biggest to the littlest. Like I mentioned earlier, Maia isn't even 2 yet, so we have lots of fun and games to come, lots more guilt & frustrations. But I know all of the ''bad'' things are going to be insignificant compared to all the great times that we are going to have! <3
Take care all, and enjoy your weekends what ever you are up to. I know we will =)
<3 Kim, Mark, Maia & Lily xxxx
